Chaos
by ValHund
Summary: Angel and Riley are heading back to Sunnydale, only to discover Buffy in the hands of their nemesis: Spike. They are jealous, yes. But of whom? Pure crackfic.


**CHAOS**

"Well that was…"

"Interesting," said Buffy, completing Spikes sentence for him.

"I was going to say eye opening, actually," said Spike, lying down, hands behind his head, looking incredibly pleased with himself. As always a cigarette hung out of the corner of his mouth.

"Yes, well, don't think we're going to make a habit of this," reprimanded Buffy, pulling her cardigan on over her head.

"…Buffy," said Spike in a sing song voice, "This is the third time this week. And it's Tuesday. If you don't call that making a habit of something I'm really glad I'm not your poor boyfriend."

"Exactly!" said Buffy, jumping in on that train of thought, "You're not my boyfriend Spike. I'm just…using you."

Spike looked at her.

"Oh come on!" said Buffy incredulously, "You can't seriously think that this is anything more than…"

She saw the expression on his face.

"Oh."

"Buffy," said Spike, getting up and looking intently into her face, "We have a connection. You need me. I need you. I think this is something. And if you won't admit it, maybe next time you come crawling to me for help, I won't give you any."

Buffy glared at him.

"C'mon love. We spark! You've got to admit it sooner or later. In the shadows with me is where you belong."

"You're right… I do like you. But that's _all_ it is," she said.

"Good enough," Spike said, trying not to show that his hands were trembling with emotion.

"This…thing, we have. It is something."

"So I'm your boyfriend then?" said Spike offhandedly, trying to hide the joy in his voice.

"Maybe…" said Buffy.

_Meanwhile in LA._

"Angel! That's wonderful!" Wesley beamed, as excited as a stuck up Englishman could be.

"I… need some time to think," said Angel, smiling, no, he was grinning!

"I don't see what the big deal is," complained Cordelia.

Wesley and Angel looked at her.

"You can't lose your soul ever again. Big deal."

Cordelia inspected one of her nails absentmindedly.

"Don't you understand what this means Cordelia?" asked Wesley incredulously.

"Of course I do!" said Cordelia defensively, "It means he can be with that stupid little Buffy. No big."

Angel sighed.

"I'm going to Sunnydale," he explained, "I want to tell Buffy myself."

"Of course, of course," said Wesley, "You must leave tomorrow."

"Tomorrow's too late. I'm leaving today. As soon as I can. In fact, now would be ideal" Angel's face hurt. He wasn't used to smiling this much. Scowling, yes, but smiling? He never smiled. This true happiness thing was going to take a lot of getting used to.

"I got your tickets," said Cordelia, handing them to him. She was obviously bored with this whole thing.

"They're return," she added pointedly.

Angel left the offices and headed in the train stations direction.

He was going to Sunnydale!

_Somewhere in Peru_

"Agent Finn!"

The officer looked Riley up and down.

"You're sure about this?" the sergeant asked, genuinely bewildered, "This is an extremely bad posting, and it's dangerous as well as being extremely dull."

"I'm sure sir," said Riley, having trouble standing to attention in his excitement.

"Well Ok then," said the Sergeant, stamping Riley's ticket, "looks like you're going to Sunnydale."

"Spike," said Buffy gently, "That was wonderful."

"No need to sound so surprised," Spike said gruffly, leaning in to kiss her tenderly.

"I'd just like to say thankyou," she said.

"For what?"

"For making me forget about Angel for a little while," smiled Buffy.

"BLOODY HELL!" Spike slammed his fist down on the lid of one of the tombs his crypt contained.  
"What?" asked Buffy, looking hurt.

"I don't want to hear another word about sodding Angel! 'Oh, sometimes you're so like Angel Spike,' 'Why are you so rude? Angel was always a perfect gentleman,' 'Oh Spike, why can't you use the same Nancy-boy hair gel that Angel always used.' 'Oh Spike, why don't you...' OW!"

Spike reeled back from the force of Buffy's punch.

"You have no right to talk about Angel!" she said tensely.

"Of course I do! I'm you're bloody boyfriend!"

Buffy walked out angrily, not even glancing behind her. Unfortunately her attempt at the big exit was sabotaged by Spike's passionate kiss.

Angel, witnessing this from his vantage point behind the door, reeled back in shock, banging into someone who was using the same hiding place as him.

"Watch it!" said a familiar voice.

"Riley?" said Angel questioningly.

"Yeah, it's me. Now, do you want to tell me what you're doing spying on Spike's crypt?" Riley was bemused.

"I could ask you the same thing," said Angel calmly, "Why are you spying on Buffy?"

"Buffy?" Riley obviously hadn't seen what Angel had seen.

Angel gestured towards the keyhole he'd been looking through.

Riley looked through and reeled back in horror.

"Is he… kissing Buffy?"

"That's what it looks like," sighed Angel.

"What does Spike have that we don't? More importantly, what does Spike have that I don't have?" said Riley, looking stunned.

"Good hair? A bad boy attitude? Better moves?" answered Angel, for his benefit rather than Riley's. He was depressed. He had been looking forward to going at least a week without brooding even once.

"That's it," said Riley angrily.

"I really hope you aren't thinking what I'm thinking," said Angel.  
"We have to become more like Spike," they said in unison.

Riley looked at Angel. Angel looked at Riley. Riley ran one way. Angel ran the other. Buffy wanted Spike did she? Well, they could be everything Spike was. And they could do it better.

_Later, below Spike's crypt._

"Wants Angel does she? Doesn't think I'm good enough for her?"

Spike sorted angrily through a chest of drawers, throwing unwanted clothes and wigs over his shoulder.

"I'll give her a sodding Angel! I'll give her a better Angel than Angel could give her."

He found what he was looking for. A bottle of brown hair dye. He was going to give Buffy what she wanted. He'd do anything for her.

He pulled off his tight jeans and slipped on some trousers, a black button up shirt, and a much cleaner, shorter leather jacket than what he was used to. Then he rubbed the dye through his platinum blond hair. Once the dye had dried he pushed his hair up, into that stupid spiky do that Angel was so fond of. Then he practised his brooding look in the mirror, and thought of things that Angel might say.

"Poor me, I have a soul and don't know how to have fun," he said, doing his best Angel impression.

Then he walked quickly out of the door of his crypt, running headlong into Angel.

"Bloody well watch where you're going wa…Angel? What the hell are you doing here?" said Spike, abandoning his imitation attempt, "And why are you wearing my clothes?"

"Spike my boy," said Angel threateningly, trying to ignore the stinging of the bleach he had used to die his hair, "Why are you wearing mine?"

"It's for a…friend."

"You're giving my old clothes to friend?" Angel was confused.

"Argh!" Spike was annoyed. "Let me spell this out for you. Buffy's bloody well _my _bint now. You lost her."

Angel smirked.

"Then why are you dressed like me and looking like you just found out Manchester United are no longer a soccer team?"

"Fine! I give up! I'm off to see a girl about a man," said Spike, throwing his hands in the air in despair.

He started to walk away, but Angel grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.

"Buffy is _mine. _I loved her when you were still trying to kill her."

Spike smiled, knowing he had the perfect come back.

"Well _I _didn't kill her watcher's girl friend, or try and kill everyone in anyway connected to her, or string all of her little friend's fish on string. You've hurt the slayer a lot more than I have, you big great bloody p…"

Angels hand snapped out and closed itself around Spikes throught. He lifted him up into the air, and then dropped him contemptuously.

"Spike, Spike, Spike," he mused, rolling the name around his mouth and unconsciously slipping into the Irish accent he used to have when he was still Spikes sire and was constantly having to lecture him, "You have a lot to learn about women. No, you've got a lot to learn about this one woman. Buffy doesn't go in for your type. She doesn't even like you."

Spike glared at Angel defiantly, and stumbled off towards the edge of the cemetery.

Angel watched his childe's retreating back thoughtfully. He'd forgotten how gracefully he moved, how sweet he was when he was humiliated, how lov- No! Think of Buffy.

Angel tramped off towards Buffy's house.

Riley looked at himself in the mirror and realised that he really couldn't pull of the whole peroxide blond bad-boy thing. He had gone into the hairdresser looking macho and handsome, and come out looking like a creepy Billy Idol wannabe.

Oh well, if Buffy liked Spike looking like this, she'd like him looking like this. He sauntered off in the direction of Buffy's house.

Spike walked off towards the edge of the graveyard, not looking back towards Angel. He didn't want the older vampire to see how much his feelings had been hurt. Didn't want to give him the satisfaction. Spike didn't no why Angel always managed to make him feel so bad simply using words. No one else was able to hurt Spike that deeply. Not even Buffy.

Buffy! He needed to show her that he could be just as good as Angel. He'd forgotten. Spike dashed off to Buffy's place, hoping he would get there in time.

The two vampires got there first of course. Riley was far, far behind them. Angel calmly knocked Spike out (being careful not to mar his beautiful face) and rang the doorbell.

Buffy looked out and saw Angel on the doorstep. But something was wrong with him. He looked like Spike!

"Oh. My. God. Is this Spike's idea of a joke? I'll kill him! I'm so sorry Angel, Spike's been acting really weirdly lately. I swear, I really will kill him!"

Buffy was furious, and looked grimly determined.

"No, Buffy," Angel looked at Buffy tenderly, "I did this. I did it for you. I, well, I saw you with Spike."

"Angel!" Buffy was even angrier now, "Are you 12? Goodness! What do you expect me to do, you told me to get over you, so I am. But every time I get a new boyfriend you act as though it's some kind of betrayal."

"That's because it is!"

"It's my life Angel. Now, go get yourself back to normal, and then maybe we can talk rationally about this."

Angel looked dejected, but hopeful none the less. She'd said they'd talk about it! He was still in with a chance.

He passed Spike's prone body on his way out. He looked so peaceful while he was slee… Think of Buffy, think of Buffy!

He gave Spike a kick as he walked off, just for old time's sake.

"Ow! Bloody hell!"

Spike staggered to his feet. That damned Angel. He lurched over to the door, and rang the bell.

Buffy peered out.

"Oh, Angel you're ba… Spike!"

"I can be Angel if you want! Look at me, I did this for you. What do you see Buffy?"

"I see an idiot who isn't even original enough to come up with his own pathetic scheme. Get out Spike. And don't come back until you look normal again."

Spike sighed, and rubbed his temple, which was where Buffy's angry blow had landed. Courting Buffy was hard. She was even more indecisive than Drusilla, and Drusilla had been stark raving mad.

He spotted Riley on his way out of the house, but didn't pay much attention to him. Riley didn't stand a chance. Buffy would never choose an ordinary boring guy over himself or Angel. Riley didn't have a hope in the world.

_I don't have a hope in the world of winning Buffy's heart_, thought Riley. He passed Spike on his way into Buffy's front garden and Spike didn't even glare at him.

He reluctantly knocked on the door.

Buffy opened it.

She looked at him. He looked at her.

"Hello Buffy," Riley said, "I know you love Spi..."

Buffy slammed the door in his face.

"What is wrong with you men today!" she yelled through the letterbox at Riley's quickly retreating back.

Riley slunk off back to his hotel. He knew he'd never be able to get the bleach out, but at least he'd be able to wear his own clothes again. He'd be leaving in the morning. He would say goodbye tomorrow, and then go back to Peru, and this time it would be for good.

"What is wrong with all the bloody women in the world!"

Spike was angry. He swigged from his bottle of Jack Daniels, and then continued with bleaching his hair back to its familiar colour.

"Maybe the problem is you, William."

Angel emerged out of the shadow, no longer dressed as Spike, but back to his normal brooding self.

"Great. Just what I needed. Goddamned Angel preaching on me."

"Oh, I'm not preaching William," purred Angel, strutting towards Spike seductively.

"W…wha…what are you playin' at?" asked Spike, backing away nervously.

"Spike, remember that night in '23?"

Spike shuddered. Of course he remembered. He remembered the sweating. There had been so much sweating… So much pain… Angel had said never to mention it again! But of course he'd been Angelus back then.

'Of course I do," he said cautiously, wondering if Angel was setting him up for a fall.

Angel was still approaching him.

"You know, I was attracted to Buffy from the beginning. I really was. But what made me love her was that innate strength she had. You have that as well you know."

"Angel," Spike said warningly.

"Spike, this is hard for me to admit," said Angel nervously.

Spike realised just how darkly handsome Angel was.

"This is hard for me to admit, but I feel something for you. And that night in '23 proved that you feel something for me also, despite the fact that I was using you on that particular occasion.

"God, forget the small talk damn it," smiled Spike.

He launched himself at Angel, almost knocking him over in his enthusiasm. The kiss was a bit weird. But Spike thought he could get used to it. Hell, he was gonna enjoy getting used to it.

Riley considered the reason his life had gone downhill. It had been the vampires. But why had he visited those vampires anyway? He'd told Buffy it was her fault, that he wanted to see what she saw in them. But why had it been really? Where was the attraction? Riley realised the reason for his betrayal of Buffy had a much simpler problem at its root. He was attracted to Spike! Who was he kidding when he stabbed that stake into him? It had been for the rush. Riley had always seen himself as a macho guy, a soldier, a real ladies man. But suddenly, admitting his love for a man, and a dead one at that, didn't seem that bad. It was almost like magic! He walked off to find Spike.

He walked into Spike's crypt, smiling happily. He looked around. And saw a scantily clad Spike, and an even more scantily clad Angel making out with each other on top of one of the tombs.

"Hey, Angel!" he yelled, his voice full of venom.

Angel looked up.

"You," he growled, "Why are you interrupting us?"

Riley was fuming.

"I'll fight you for him!" he declared stupidly.

"Don't do it Angel, you might be hurt," cautioned Spike, "Wait. You might be hurt. Great! Please continue."

"You've tried my patience once too often boy," said Angel, approaching Riley menacingly.

The fight that followed was pretty one sided. It was a relatively large man against an extremely angry vampire.

Angel went back to kissing Spike, leaving Riley crouched in the corner.

Riley watched Angel and Spike, and tried to stop the tears coming to his eyes. He failed.

This was the scene that a very annoyed Buffy walked in on. Spike and Angel were making out on the floor now, and Riley was crying on the floor.

She wrenched Angel and Spike apart, placed Riley on his feet, and stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips.

"Someone had better tell me what is going on" she said tersely, "and if I'm not satisfied with the answers, heads will roll. And I mean that literally."

"Spike and I are in love Buffy," said Angel calmly and gently.

"Yeah, we're in love," said Spike, who was smirking slightly, "and unlike Little Miss Vanilla, he lets me smoke."

"I'm in love with Spike too," Riley chimed in.

Buffy stared at the three men.

"O.K…."

She backed away out of the crypt. She had to find Willow. She'd know what to do.

"And then Spike was like, 'Yeah, we're in love.' It was creepy."

Buffy was breathlessly recounting the past events to Willow, not noticing the statue of the chaos God Kuthos in Willow's lap.

"Yeah, about that Buffy. I'm really sorry."

"What do you have to be sorry about?" asked Buffy.

Willow gestured towards the statue apologetically.

"Oh, Will," Buffy was upset, "You're only supposed to use your powers for good."

"I know I went a little over the top on the chaos thing, but I meant well, really. I just did a little spell. I just wanted to know what would happen. Plus Tara said I shouldn't, and I wanted to see why I shouldn't, and then it all lead to, well, what you were describing."

Willow was using her big and innocent eyes to make Buffy forgive her. It worked.

"Well, just get things back to normal."

"Oh, that will be easy," said Willow, smiling happily, "I just have to work a little bit of mojo, say a few rhyming couplets and it'll all be fine and dandy. Just give me a couple of minutes."

Willow did the aforementioned things, and suddenly there was a bang.

"Argh! Bloody hell!" Spike came to himself in the middle of doing something rather unorthodox with Angel.

Angel reeled back also.

Riley had already left, and was probably half way to Peru right now.

"We. Never. Ever. Speak. Of. This. Again. You hear me?" said Spike, washing his mouth out with huge gulps of whisky. The whiskey would also help him forget that any of this had _ever _happened.

Angel nodded wordlessly, putting his clothes on as quickly as he could, and running out of the crypt. He had to find Buffy and tell her that he couldn't lose his soul ever again. At least that much of all of this wasn't a lie.

"Oh, and by the way Angel, I told that demon to tell you could never lose your soul again. I thought it would be funny to make you that happy and then bring you back down again. Somehow the idea doesn't please me as much as used to. Can't imagine why. Although it might have something to do with you saying that I'm the only thing that could ever make you truly happy."

Angel glared at Spike, and was very thankful that Cordelia had got him a return ticket. He was going back to LA.

Buffy sighed in relief.

"So they'll all be back to normal?"

Willow nodded happily.

"Angel and Spike are back to their normal bloodsucking selves," she said extremely pleased with herself.

"What about Riley?" asked Buffy, "Will he be back to normal as well?"

"Riley?" Willow looked confused, "The prayer to the chaos God I used only works on vampires. Riley wasn't affected in any way."

_Somewhere in Peru_

Riley hunched up against the pouring rain, covering up his most treasured item: a lock of bleached blonde hair.

_Some day I will go back to Sunnydale, _he thought, _and when I do, things are going to change._

THE END


End file.
